Sometimes being a mom is hard AF. Yep, I said it. Excuse my abbreviated language but if you’re a mom you know what I’m talking about. If you read this entire thing without nodding your head in some agreement, then you are either lying to yourself…or you just don’t talk about it. That’s ok, I’ll talk about it for you.
Being a mom is the BEST thing in the world, don’t get me wrong. I’m well aware of how blessed I am & if you are close to me personally you know that conceiving hasn’t come without my own challenges. So this is in no way a post of how unappreciative I am but sometime’s a mom’s gotta vent…amazing life or not, it’s haaaaaard sometimes!
This isn’t my typical blog post, but I’m having a particularly hard few weeks & sometimes I just like to write. While I’ve had a challenging few weeks, my husband has had the same challenging few weeks but in a different way, at work, which in turn makes mine even more challenging. I stopped folding the laundry to write this because I was so overwhelmed with stuff while also getting the news that yet again, he would be getting home late from work.
A lot of people think that being a stay at home mom is easy. And I will be the first to say that yes, I know how fortunate I am to be able to be one of moms that can do that. So please don’t get me wrong. I’m just saying it’s not always easy. And I’m definitely not saying that being a working mom is either, it’s not about that. The main job as a stay at home mom is to take care of your child/children. That in itself is not always easy. The days get long & repetitive, often times lonely as strange as that sounds. (Yes I know I need to get out more!) Sometimes I feel like a machine...making meals, cleaning, changing diapers, reading the same books over & over & over again. The other job we have is taking care of the house. Laundry, dishes, toy cleanup (ALL day EVERY day) to name a few. And then there’s dinner…..omg sometimes I hate thinking about freakin’ dinner! By the time dinner rolls around I feel like I’m just mentally checked out. I almost cringe every time I hear the question, “So what are you thinking for dinner?” Jake doesn’t EXPECT me to make dinner every night & luckily he does some cooking. Some nights I have my shit together & feel like Master Chef but more often than not I don’t. I feel as though I should be making dinner every single night & I do most nights but sometimes I just need a break. If things were like they were back in the old days where we were expected to do every single thing around the house, I honestly just don’t think I’d make it. I mean, what did those women do without box mixes or takeout at least?! Actually I’ll tell you what they did…several women in the 50’s were so depressed they started using tranquilizers. I wrote an entire paper about it in collage. So there’s that…
I’m in my 2nd trimester of pregnancy. Last week I fought having horrible headaches. This week they have subsided & now I’m stuck with a stupid sinus infection. Moms don’t get sick days. And when we are sick, husbands still go to work & you still have to mom & housewife.(I made that a verb) I feel like the worst mom in the world lately. Far too many days I’ve sloughed Emmy off on watching tv or movies or playing on the Ipad because I wasn’t feeling good & didn’t want to play with her. We’ve gotten a lot of drive-thru or take out & I feel like I haven’t been the best at giving her great nutritious food. You know what she had for breakfast this morning? Scooby Doo graham cracker snacks…& then pizza for lunch…. Mom of The Year right here.
When husband has to work late or extra, we have to pick up the slack at home. Yes that sucks, but at the same time his work is the reason I am able to stay at home with Emmy & only work training clients as much or little as I want to. He works hard for our family & I understand that. That doesn’t mean it doesn’t suck sometimes…. Sure Emmy takes a nap during the day but when she naps I usually have to pick between or often times a combo of cleaning the house, studying (I’m currently taking an online class), working on my online business (my online clients or my blog/website), or taking my own nap & vegging out. If I choose to nap or catch up on a tv show then you can be sure something else falls to the wayside in the meantime. I can do some of those things during the day, but let’s face it, it will definitely be interrupted making it difficult or you are just sacrificing one on one time with your child. Again, always a trade off.
Some days I mourn the seemingly “free” life before having kids. Going on vacation whenever we wanted. Going to the gym as much as I wanted. I often stare at other women I follow on Instagram posting their cute gym selfies & videos of their perfect little outfits & spending as much time at the gym as they want & getting to go with their significant other while taking pics & videos of each other. I miss working out with my husband. I miss the feeling of not worrying about if my child is crying or having an okay time in kid’s club while feeling bad that she’s there in the first place while I’m either training a client or working out myself wearing what is probably a shirt smeared with who knows what that sticky fingers held on to, but I was too tired to change it. While my husband wishes he was at home more & not at work, I wish I had his time ALONE in the car driving to work or eating lunch. I am jealous that he can just stop at Quicktrip for a coffee. Gosh I miss QuikTrip! It’s the little things. EVERY place needs a drive thru when you have kids!
Us moms have this overwhelming expectation (maybe one that we just put on ourselves )that we have to have it all together all the time. Be a good mom, be a good wife…all while trying to maintain a house, friendships, our own businesses or jobs…& on top of that while trying to take care of ourselves. (Not to mention constantly being judged by other moms) We forget who we are sometimes, what we used to do before kids, our prior dreams, hobbies, things that make us US. BUT as cliche as it sounds, being a mom really is the best. Nothing can ever replace that…. I KNOW there are moms out there who can relate. And if you aren’t a mom yet, I hope this doesn’t scare you to death. But your life does change…in the most wonderfully difficult & frustratingly beautiful way. I CHOSE that & I would never trade it. Mom is the title I’m most proud of. There’s no other feeling in the world when your child says “I love you” & gives you a hug & kiss. But nobody ever said it was easy. And as my own mother always said “Momma said there’d be days like this.”.….
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